By The Rock
The Lightning Rod is delighted to introduce a new cafeteria food review column to the publication. Here are the thoughts of our staff’s very own food analyst, The Rock:
Chicken Nuggets: 8.5/10
The chicken nuggets imitate McDonalds’ taste with a school cafeteria texture. The outer layer was soggy, but I overlooked it. The inner layer, however, could not be overlooked. When you think of school chicken, some negative connotations may come to mind: ground up woodchips, sandpaper, cardboard. These things have no relation to the chicken nuggets I ate. The meat was tender and flavorful. The dopamine rushed through my veins as I went in for a second bite. Overall, I was pleasantly surprised. I went in with low expectations, and I came out with a new outlook on life in general.
Pasta: 5/10
The pasta tasted like indifference. It tasted like that gluten free penne pasta your aunt makes, but it was pasta nonetheless. The qualm I have with the pasta is the oil it was drowned it in. The oil lacked flavor, but somehow left my throat feeling extremely dry. The pasta with visible seasonings, purely for show, was alright. Just alright. Would I eat it again? Probably not. Would I eat it if I was very hungry? Most definitely.
Broccoli With Cheese: 0/10
I had never looked death directly in the eyes, until the day I indulged in this “vegetable.” The broccoli had no issues; it was steamed to perfection. The cheese, or “mystery yellow glob,” was a different story. The cheese tasted like canned frosting and milk. I am not quite sure how this was achieved, but it is slightly impressive. The taste was the opposite of what I expected, so it distracted me from its other qualities. The cheese may have not been favorable for me, but someone with a sweet tooth may have enjoyed. This is usually not a characteristic of broccoli with cheese, but it is important to think outside of the box.
I am so appreciative of the lunch staff and cooks who made this meal for me. Every person has their individual taste, and I did enjoy this meal. I am thankful that we receive a nutritious and free lunch every single day. I am even more thankful for the people who make that lunch. They put in hard work to make the food, and although not everyone has the same taste, they do a great job. This review is for solely for comedic purposes, and in no way is meant to diminish the efforts of the lunch staff and cooks.