September was National Suicide Awareness and Prevention Month, and as the month comes to a close, I’ve been reflecting on my experiences with losing a loved one to suicide as a teen. In June of this year, I lost my father to suicide. It has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with, but whenever anybody asks me about how I’m doing, all I can say is that whatever I’m struggling with was probably a fraction of what he felt every day. It’s hard to be a helping hand when you can’t even imagine the pain someone is feeling, so I’ve created a little go-to guide for helping a friend who is grieving, as well as supporting people battling mental health.
1. Check-in: Don’t badger the person, but make sure to ask them how they’re doing once in a while. Mental health and grief can feel like the loneliest thing a person can deal with, but it shouldn’t be that way. The friends who helped me the most were the ones who texted me here and there to see how I was doing.
2. Be a Resource: If you are struggling with something yourself, don’t feel like you have to be there for everyone who messages you. You deserve just as much serenity as people dealing with “more than you”. But, if you are in a healthy headspace, make sure other people know that they can talk to you: sometimes all people need is an opening for them to feel comfortable speaking up.
3. Don’t Judge: This should be obvious, but some people overlook the little things they say that could be interpreted differently. I went a week without showering or practicing personal hygiene, there were times when I would eat to my heart’s content, other times when I wouldn’t eat for days, and of course, the crying. I think I may never stop crying, but others might not cry at all. These things are all perfectly normal.The best thing you can do is be understanding.
4. Social Media: Surveys show that 90% of teens have some kind of social media platform, so use yours for good. It’s not “cringe” to inform people, there are so many pages with information about mental health, suicide, and statistics.
I know you can probably find all of these ideas on any of the millions of listicles on the World Wide Web. In case the four points above weren’t enough, I also wrote down some ways that helped me cope and grieve with loss.
1. Talking About Good Memories: When people talked to me about my dad, they would talk about how much of a shame it was, how sorry they were, and other things that society’s told should make people feel better. But when I was with close family and friends, all I wanted to talk about was the good times my dad and I had. It’s really easy to lose someone important so young and think about all the missed time, but being able to tell stories about the person, in a way, immortalizes them.
2. Going Outside: I had to move all the way from Vegas to New York to get over the grief. You don’t have to go skydiving or anything like that (unless that’s your thing), just things like going to familiar places, going out to eat, or watching a movie helped me tremendously. One of the first things I did when I heard the news was get chicken tenders with a friend.Little things like that gave me a break from all the overwhelming thoughts.
3. Texting Them: It sounds like a cliche from a movie to text a loved one who has passed, but it was actually pretty therapeutic. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not texting my father every night, but once in a while when I see something that reminds me of him or when I’m missing him it helps to shoot him a text. And even though I know I won’t get a reply, I know that it’s somewhere in the universe floating around.
If you take anything away from reading this I want it to be this: you are never alone. Something I always say is “it was hard for me to lose someone to suicide, but it’s even harder to suffer alone”. So, I encourage you to reach out to someone who might seem “okay” because you never know who might be struggling in silence.
If you need emotional support, speak to a counselor or trusted adult, and reach out to the national mental health hotline: 988.