January 18, 2024 by Mazie Neville (‘24)
Miss the Holiday Season? We, at the Lightning Rod, do too.
The holiday season, and day to day life at school, is a busy time for everyone, and it seems to be made busier by all the magical beings and ne’er-do-wells who appear every year. I don’t know why they can’t spread out and take some of the weight off Christmas—Earth Day shenanigans might be fun—but that’s not really in our control; what we can do is prepare for the onslaught. Here are five common instances to be prepared for—and the movies that will help you survive them.
If you encounter a runaway, you should watch…
Elf– I refuse to explain if you haven’t seen it because you deserve to be in the dark. But also? Watch it.
Candy Cane Lane– Watch this in the instance that an evil elf has escaped from the North Pole with the intent of turning “naughty” people into ceramic action figures.
Rudolph– Watch this if you meet a glowing reindeer with low self-esteem.
If you find yourself the subject of a home invasion, you have several options. Watch…
Home Alone– 8-year-old Kevin McCallister is left, as the title suggests, home alone when his in-need-of-birth-control family goes to France leaving him to defend his home and himself from the Wet Bandits.
The Grinch– A green, smelly creature with poor spatial awareness is intent on taking Christmas from the entire village of Whoville.
Genie– An antique dealer rubs a box and Melissa McCarthy pops out. After accusing her of breaking and entering, he enlists her help to win his family back by Christmas.
Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town– The short, stop-motion film tells how Santa came to be. I would study this more if you want to be the home invader rather than the invaded since he breaks into billions of houses every year and faces nothing but adoration.
If someone looks but doesn’t act like themselves, you should watch…
The Princess Switch– a baker and princess (Vanessa Hudgens and Vanessa Hudgens, respectively) swap lives for two days, which everyone knows is more than enough time to fall in love with a stranger.
Falling for Christmas– Ski resort princess Lindsey Lohan falls from her photoshoot on the mountaintop losing her memory and George Young but gaining a personality and Chord Overstreet.
If you find yourself time-traveling, you should watch…
It’s a Wonderful Life– A struggling George Bailey wishes he had never been born and his guardian angel shows him what that would look like.
Scrooged– Like any “A Christmas Carol” adaptation, Frank Cross, a heartless man, is given the opportunity to re-evaluate his choices and fix his past.
If everyone around you seems like they’re spontaneously falling in love, you should watch…
Love Actually– Basically everyone falls in love. Or doesn’t. (Like every other movie.)
The Holidate– Sick of being the only singles on holidays, Emma Roberts and Luke Bracey agree to be each other’s no-strings-attached plus-ones all year. In a shocking twist, they end up falling in love, too.
Bridgett Jones’ Diary– Determined to find love, Bridgett embarks on a journey of self-improvement. To be nice, and since these beings seem to get on a tight deadline around the holiday, here is a hint: the goal is never what they tell you, but rather “self-actualization.” You need to figure the rest out, that’s the “self” part of self-actualization.
Anyway, in conclusion, Die Hard is a Christmas movie, and The Nightmare Before Christmas is not.