April 30, 2024 by Sahiba Jassal (‘24)
It’s been highly requested by some of my peers to make a “GRWM to shave my beard” video, as I’m so good at it that you’d never even know I have a beard. However, I decided not to make a video because I believe this is a matter for my devoted readers to hear. So, let’s get right into it. First and foremost, I’ll let you in on the ultimate tool: courage. The act of shaving your beard isn’t merely an act of maintaining an appearance, it’s an experience- a painstaking journey- that only the toughest of soldiers can come out of alive. This shaving routine isn’t for the faint hearted.
Step one: Preparation. Before you even look in the mirror, you must prepare your visage for battle. Apply a generous amount of isopropyl alcohol on the areas of which you intend to shave and let it suck all the moisture out of your skin for precisely 13 minutes. If your skin feels as taught as a fully blown balloon, you’re on the right track. You need that canvas as smooth and tight as possible!
Step two: War. Now pick up your razor- the more rust the better- and close your eyes. Let the spirits guide you on this adventure. Cross your toes for good luck and quickly slide the blade against your face. As long as you keep your toes crossed you’re sure to trim all of those whiskers no problemo.
Step three: Post-shave. Applaud yourself for surviving. Give your face a nice little pat with the driest washcloth you can find to absorb the blood and admire your reflection in the mirror. Your face may look red, possibly swollen, but I assure you it’s not irritation- your skin is just nice and plump!
I hope you’ve just had the best shave of your life and remember fellow students of SSHS, always cross your toes for good luck.